I wonder???

I wonder when it will come the time for him to feel remorse?
I wonder when the day will come that I will be happy and in love again?
I wonder if how one day you are on one course in your life? And the next you are on another?
I wonder if he even remembers today or what once was?
I wonder why we have what the other wanted?
I wonder why after all this time.. I am still hurting? Am I broken? Will it ever stop?
I wonder why none of this seems to affect him at all?
I wonder why I still cry? and he never did.
I wonder when it will feel like I have a heart to give again.. maybe there is nothing left.

I know that I am grateful for my life, and everything that I have endured this far. I just sometimes wonder why things have turned out the way that they have. Why I wanted the marriage and family.. and he wanted to be alone.. and look who got what??? I wonder when it will all make sense to me? I wonder why now?? am I having this meltdown or whatever you call it?

I know that I am thankful for the opportunities that I have now.. that I know wouldn't be possible if back then would be today.

I just have a hard time.. especially today of all days.. I just wonder why he even wanted to get married, it that is never what he wanted?? Or why he said that he loved me, when he never meant it??

I know this isn't the most positive post I have put on here.. but I just needed to get this out of my mind, or just out there.. so I can have some kindof release if that is possible.

The Biggest Compliment yet.. loved it!!! :)

So the other night at school we were pretty slow, and my barbering instructor Paul's regular clients came in for a hair cut since Paul has been booked for a few weeks now at his shop.. and Paul chose me out of all the students to do his regular client, and I asked him why after and he said that because he thinks that I am a really good barber.. whoo hoo!!! I was shocked because normally you don't want to give one of your regulars to a new student.. but it was awesome.. also I have been getting $3 tips from guys now.. I must be improving.. yay!!! I love the barbering side.. I am excited to switch to the cosmo side in March.. but a little sad too.. I could cut little boys' and men's hair all day.. I love it.. I need some more shaves.. if any of you guys are interested come on in.. The hair cuts are $2 and the shaves which include a facial massage are only $1. cheap cheap cheap!!!!

Well I better get back to work.. I will post some pics from school soon..

Fascination

INSTRUCTIONS:1. Put your iPod or other music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the NEXT button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got this from.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?Keep on keepin on

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?Dangerous and Sweet

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?I feel it all

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?What goes around comes around

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?Decode

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?You belong with me

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN?When I fall in love

WHAT IS 2+2?She holds the key

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?Lose my breath

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?The Sweet Escape

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP??I won't disagree

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE??Your love

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?Lost without you

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?Bitter Sweety Symphony

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?Hella Good

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?Emotions

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?Back in baby's arms

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?I'm gonna be alright

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?I hate this part

HOW WILL YOU DIE?Like a song

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?We will not grow old

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?It's my life

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?I'm leavin' on a jet plane (hawaiian mix)

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?Come on

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?Relax

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?Neverlost

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?Clumsy

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?I'm not over

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?Fascination

First shave and ready for more.. I think!!??

Well tonight at school I did my first straight razor shave on a guy named Leo. It's amazing how I remembered his name being that I usually don't remember the name two seconds after I start cutting hair.. need to work on the memory a little more.. ha ha.. but he was good looking.. I wonder if that had anything to do with it?? ;) Anyways it was good I only nicked a tiny little spot by the corner of the mouth.. I also did my bestest taper cut on a little boy tonight.. I have to say I would mind cutting little boys hair all day long.. so yeah that is school.. I can't believe that January is already gone.. by the first week of March we will be in mid-terms and switching to the cosmo side.. I am a little sad to be leaving the barber side.. ironic since I feared it the most.. oh well.. I am excited to do all the ladies that I work with.. they said that I could do whatever I would like to their hair.. I think they will be taking back that statement after they first sit down in the chair.. yep.. I am sure that they are just leading me on.. ha ha..

(Sorry Todd you weren't my first shave.. by the way when are you coming in.. I have 9 more shaves to pass off.)

Anyways I went to the dentist this week.. it was soooo nice to get my teeth cleaned after not having it for almost 3 years now.. no insurance issues.. in case you were wondering.. Anyways they put on this brush on flouride now.. it makes it feel like you haven't brushed your teeth in like a week.. Furry teeth.. Now all my teeth are sensitive and hurt :( Can't wait to go back next month and get the cavities fixed.. at least my dentist now has the laughing gas.. have to pay extra.. insurance doesn't cover it, but I think it will be well worth it.. before the BIG needles go in.. hate those.

Oh yeah! I had my nose waxed this week with my friend Megan.. she talked me into it.. It DIDN'T hurt at all.. so crazy.. but I am serious.. no pain at all.. however, if you laugh while the stick with wax is up your nose it vibrates and tickles.. darn girl shouldn't have told me that.. I couldn't stop laughing. ha ha..

Well I need to get some sleep..

No sleep again!!!

Here it is another night.. and I can't sleep again.. this sucks! I did color my hair tonight.. will have to post some pictures.. I want to get it cut tomorrow.

Well all in all I finished another week of school, and yes I am still loving it!! I am getting better at cutting men's / boy's hair.. So far I have cut around 14 client's hair, and I have received $5 in tips.. I guess some people really do think tipping is a city in China.. ha ha.. dumb joke I know. I haven't had any more fatalities of my knuckles.. although anyone that gets cut on the lab floor now comes to me to have me super glue them back together.. so I am the "nurse" now.. I guess I could take that course next.. just kidding.. I really believe that I have found what I love doing the most, and it is hair!

We are learning all the strokes and positions to do a straight razor shave on men.. oh yeah.. So next week I should start doing that.. and then look out Todd you will have to make good on your word to come in and get your shave on.. ha ha.. I am so happy that at least someone in my family trusts me with a razor :)

I wish that I could fall asleep now.. I know that this blog entry was pretty lame.. not even sure if it made sense, but oh well.. I am back to trying to fall asleep now.

Finally cutting real hair.. and loving it..

So tonight was my first night out on the barbering lab floor.. I have to say that I have thought throughout the day of every possible horrible thing that could go wrong.. like what if I jacked up their hair too bad, what if I passed out of lack of oxygen from the anxiety, what if the first hair cut I did lasted for 4 hours?? yeah that guy would have some serious numb bum.. ha ha.. good thing it wasn't like that at all.. Laura at work was right.. when I get past the first client then I would be okay.. and wow.. what a relief.. The first client I cut hair on named Jim or maybe it was Tim, anyways he was interesting to say the least, he had been married 5 times before, and I am pretty sure he was telling me about the night club he goes to, to see if maybe I would meet him there.. oh yeah he was 50 too.. still after that lengthy conversation of waiting for an instructor to check my work.. no tip.. Then I had a 3 year old.. not sure of his name.. he was very cute and sat very still.. My instructor didn't really come to tell me the next step to the short taper cut, so I just went by memory and hoped I wouldn't do too bad.. it must have worked cause he said that I would earn a "punch" for the cut.. meaning I would pass it off as a really good haircut.. I guess one out of three isn't bad right? Then I had the other guy.. I never understood his name once.. even though he repeated it like 3 times.. maybe I need a beltone? ha ha.. I think it was more the language barrier though.. at least that is what I am hoping.. all in all I would say tonight being the first time on the lab floor and cutting 3 mens/child cuts.. I did pretty well.. I didn't pass out.. I didn't cut the client.. although there was the fatality of the index nuckle.. yeah that bled for a while.. I had to super glue it.. not sure how that will turn out.. I will keep you posted.. it's called the "barber's scar/mark" I think all of us newbies got one tonight.. they offically informed us that we need to start bringing our own bandaids... or superglue.. whichever works best.. we probably wiped them out in just this one night.. ha ha.. So needless to say tomorrow on my lunch break I will be buying bandaids, and superglue.. I can't have too many bandaids on.. that might scar the client away you know?? ha ha.. I am loving it though.. was very anxious and nervous.. but I have to say that I am happy to know that I am starting on the barbering side.. that was one of my biggest fears.. and look at me now.. I guess 2009 is the year to no longer fear!! what a logo.. well I will keep whoever it is that reads this up to date.. I am pretty sure that it is more a online journal for me.. but at least I am journaling again..

It's a new year!!! I am so excited to see all the many blessings that I will be given this year, along with all the knowledge that I will contiue to learn as I go to school. I am so happy that I am no longer waiting to start living my life.. when all I had to do was conquer the fear and just go forward with faith.. much easier said than done of course ;) I have had a nice Christmas break, and was able to spend good times with family and friends.. and reconnect with those that it's been awhile.. to say the least.. My life is really good, and I am truly happy.. I have come through the storm.. or maybe I just learned to dance in the rain finally.. not sure which one.. but at this point does it really matter?? Now all I need is to find someone equally passionate about life, and learning to spend my life and love with.. I guess it will all come into place when the time is right.. right?? Anyways I just hope that everyone has a good time over the holidays.. and have an even better year to come..

Much love,

Sherry.