I did it! I did it! I did it!!!

oh yeah baby!!! I did it.. I finished the crash course with flying colors.. whaaa hoooo.. I also have received a 4.0 G.P.A. for Fall 2008, and now Spring 2009... whooo hoooo!!!! I have never been so into school and loving it.. It's the bestest ever!!! Yeah for me!!! Next week I start Summer Semester.. I can't wait to be back on the lab floor doing hair.

My modern day miracle..

I would love to just sit here all day and think.. well to an extent anyways... alright so I would go crazy just sitting there.. but I like the idea of it.

I love this door.. It just reminded me that as scary as it may be sometimes.. you have to walk through the door, or another analogy is that to always have your door open for blessings.

I love this pic.. I love how it is dark, but you can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

So this week I can say has honestly had it challenges with me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually for sure..

I am taking this crash course right now.. one more week to go.. It is taking all that I have literally.. I am so mentally and emotionally overwhelmed with this.. well I think it is more of everything actually. With work and school being so chaotically crazy.. and just feeling a little burned out.. I will get a break between the end of summer semester and fall semester in August.. So I am mentally counting down the days.

Anyways well about this week.. well I started the crash course.. and I have found that I am not much of a big fan of sitting and being lectured all night every work day for the week, after being at work all day. I love being on the lab floor, and doing hair.. So the Human Relations course that I am taking right now.. well let's just say the teacher is a little different.. and he gives us a LOT of homework.. which I am having the hardest time finding time to do.. so it just frustrates me.

So I also received a letter from financial aid this week, well it was more of a statement stating that I needed to pay them $1200 for summer semester.. what?? I don't have that kind of extra money just lying around.. and I am fairly new to the whole financial aid and student loans.. so I called the financial aid office and they said that they only pay out $3500 per year, which is includes Fall 2008, Spring 2009 and Summer 2009.. so the girl there told me that I have already used $2900 so far, and that they could only pay around another $600 for summer, and that I would need to come up with the other $600 in the next couple of weeks.. aaaaahhhhhhhh..

I wanted to bawl.. In fact I think I did cry.. I cry alot lately.. seriously thinking it is a burn out.. so here I am thinking that I am trying to get ahead in life, and go to school, and work and pay off my debts.. oh yeah.. I was going to start reading the Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover.. but I have no time.. so anyways I was devastated and was trying to think of a way to come up with alot of money.. let's see there was take on another job.. not sure when I would find the extra time to work it.. or donate some plasma.. lol.. Needless to say that I was desperate.. I know that my parents or brother would lend me the money.. it was just the thought of taking on one more debt, or more monthly installment.. I am sick of being a slave to money and debt.. I am so going to get some more financial freedom..

So here I was sent home early from class on Thursday.. whoo hoo.. too bad the teacher gave us 3 chapter assignments, and another big report.. what a charm.. and ready to cry.. my mother being the ever so positive person just kept telling me that night while I was trying to do my homework to not give up, and that everything will just work itself out.. because I have started to go back to church recently, and did pay my tithing on Sunday.. Although I could think of a million different ways to spend that money and apply it towards bills.. yeah right!!! As if money just falls out of the sky.. I felt like the character in the movie Bruce Almighty when he said that God is just a big kid sitting on an ant hill burning ants.. and I was just another ant.. I know I know... I am so going to have some explaining with him later on..

Well I went to work on Friday just like any other day.. this time depressed, frustrated, overwhelmed and broke.. the ant on the ant hill.. Well later on in the day I receive an email from financial aid.. I was thinking great what is this another statement of more money due?? Well I opened it and like I said being so new to the school, financial aid, and student loans it was going on about the total cost of school, my responsibility and the student loans... but then lo and behold there was a line on the statement that said Utah Cent Oppur Grant.. oh yeah.. I received a grant for $1000 for my summer semester.. At first I thought they were telling me that I needed to come up with another $1000 in two weeks.. So I called the financial aid office and the girl there said that I got a grant and that summer was paid for.. ohhhh what a MIRACLE.. I began to cry out of relief and pure happiness.. for I knew that I have truly been BLESSED.. I asked the girl how I had got the grant.. since I didn't receive one before, and she said that is was "luck" and that they were first come first serve.. I know for a fact that it was not just "luck" but that my prayers had been answered, and that I had been blessed.. I know that I am doing what Heavenly Father wants me to do be doing in the my life right now with going to school to better advance me.. and paying off debts.. and moving on with life..

I seriously thought that the light at the end of the tunnel that I saw this week was just the train that was coming full speed at me, and now I see that it really was just the light at the end of the tunnel.

I love the gospel so much.. I know that it is true, and that by going to church and paying your tithing really does strengthen your testimony, faith and love for our Heavenly Father.

So I know that this post was long.. but like I said many posts ago.. this is more like a journal for me.. and I know that I needed to put this all on here, and out there in the world to share with others, as I am only human and I will not always remember how it is to feel like I do this very moment.

I am also posting some pics from the Tulip Festival fromThanksgiving Point.. the quality may not be that great.. due to them being taken on my cell phone.. but I thought they were pretty.. Hope you enjoy!

aaarrrrgggghhhhhh!!!!!

I am so upset.. I just typed this nice big happy blog, and my computer just lost it all.. wah wah wah!!! dumb computers!!!! :(

the wealth of unknown knowledge is amazing to me..

Yeah!!! Thanks to my sister I found and was able to post this old blog.. I thought that I lost the other night. Thanks Julie!!

Oh yeah.. so I started my crash course for Human Relations in the Work Place class tonight.. it's a bit overwhelming to me to fit a 15 week course into the next 2 WEEKS.. I love that I will be done with it in two weeks.. the papers and homework and the 4 and a 1/2 hours sitting in one class is a little rough.. My teacher Doug New is funny though.. he is scottish and has the accent to prove it.. sometimes a little hard to understand.. but I swear he has something funny to say about everything.. which is good.. He did give us quite a bit of home work for the first night.. I guess we will have take home assignments every night of the week.. aaaahhhhh.. not sure when I am going to find time to do it all.. but it's only 2 weeks right.. and only from 5 to 9:30 every night right??? then at last my summer semester will be a week into it, and I will be a little behind on that too.. I need more time!!!! Don't get me wrong though.. I love work and school, when I am not at one or the other, I am bored out of my mind.. I do love some alone time, family time, and whatever else time I can get.. but I find myself a little dumbfounded without being so busy.



So I have to say that I am truly amazed at the amount of the never ending knowledge that is so

done with it.. and taking the first step away..

So I decided today that I am just done with the online ATTEMPT at dating.. I just do not have the time to try to email everyone, and flirt with them and then meet the weirdest ones out of the bunch.. which trust me I seem to attract the WEIRDEST ones too.. so I have decided that I am just done with all of it.. I am just going to work and go to school and get my schooling done.. and just focus on that.. I have also decided that I am going to start saving money so that I can start going on some trips or something.. I am single, and young, and I have decided why not try and get out some more, see some more of the world.. Maybe I will finally make it to Disneyland soon.. or even save my butt off and take one good long trip (well at least maybe 2 months) and go to Australia to see my friend Jesseca and her family.. why not right? I just have come to a point that I am just done looking and hoping and praying for the right person to come along.. I have been in love before, and it's great.. but obviously Heavenly Father has something else in store for me.. or it would have just happened in the past 5 years that I have been divorced.. I know that others may think I am taking a cop out, and just giving up.. but until you have been me.. feel like me and know how much it hurts to get your hopes up.. and to only watch them come crashing back down again and again.. then you really have no say.. This is what I feel like I need to do for me at this time.. and even if I end up as the crazy dog lady.. yes dogs.. not much of a cat fan.. then that is okay too.. look at Sheri Dew is she is an amazing lady with so much talent and she is still single.. granted if I was a man I would be intimidated of her like no other.. hmm.. president or ceo of Deseret Book, wrote many books for the prophets.. unless I was a prophet not sure if I would feel worthy of her.. anyways that was such a sidetracked note.. ha ha.. but I seriously am going to make some goals that doesn't involve someone coming into my life, or making me happy.. because I really need to do that for myself.. I am done crying about all of it.. So I am going to finish school.. save money.. take some trips.. start a career in hair, and just live life to the fullest with just me.. because after all.. all the people that I let in, or get close to.. end up leaving in the long run anyways.. so I am just done.. there I have said it, typed it, and now it is out there.. wish me luck.. I am not saying that it is going to be easy.. but at least I am taking the first step which say something..

Just thinkin...

I am just here laying on my bed, with so many thoughts in my head.. Maybe I am crazy.. but do you ever imagine living your life kindof like a movie.. where your life would be some legend that would want to be told.. or would you end up just another person.. who lives just another ordinary life.. what is ordinary anyways.. getting married and having children??? sometime I wonder if that is really for me or not??? Sure I would love to be in love.. but with that comes loss and hurt.. every thing has it's oposition.. It's like friends I become so close with someone.. to only have them leave me in end.. I am happy for them as they are progressing in life.. but I feel like I am just stuck in a rut.. I guess.. Where nothing changes.. granted my current schedule is a little mundane and repititve.. I go to work go to school, and that's it.. I wonder is it enough?? Will it ever be enough for me?? Will I ever just wake up one day and say that I have all that I ever dreamed of?? aahh.. so many questions in my head.. do you ever wonder if it all ended now.. would you said that you lived a good life.. that you honestly gave it your best?? Sometimes I feel like I am living the "groundhog day" over and over.. maybe there is something to be learned, and I am just not getting it?? To have so many thoughts in your head all at once.. it's a bit overwhelming.. I wonder if it is only me? I guess I am the one that decides the end of my story, or my story as a whole.. I am sure that it won't be wrote about is some book, or made into a movie someday.. it's just me.. and my little ordinary life.. I can definitely say that I have had my ups and downs.. sometimes I feel like I have learned so much.. and have grown from these experiences.. and have loved and lost.. which is better they say.. then to never have loved at all. I am thankful for my family and friends.. what a world it would be if they were not in our lives.. imagine a world full of strangers where no one talked, loved, and knew each other.. you would never get hurt.. but would you ever be happy? I guess I am creature of my own mind.. so to say.. not that I know what I am saying.. I love that I can think about things so deeply and passionately.. but sometimes I think that I am losing my mind.. and now I am just putting it all out there for everyone to hear.. or I guess read.. I do know that money, and material things do not matter to me.. I just want to be happy.. Do you ever wonder what it would be like to be bird.. and just fly and be so free?? To see so much.. but still be free.. I wonder?? I wonder because I am me.. and maybe I come across as crazy.. but it's me.. and that is all I can be...

crazy colors and a perv..

So I haven't posted to this in forev.. Let's see work is going alright.. finally getting caught up on all the quotes.. it's been crazy busy.. everyone is shopping their rates.. Which is to be expected with our economy.. Oh yeah.. I got some extensions done, they fell out after a week and a half.. still dealing with that stylist trying to get some of my money back. Then my friend Shaylee at school did them again this week.. she has never done them before and they are way better.. some people are just naturals.. I wish that I was with hair.

I had a girl come in tonight for a color of platinum blondish and also some red purple dark brown color.. (what I used to do sometimes.. kindof miss the crazy colors..) let's just say that it was such a challenge.. I was the last one at school tonight except for my friend Megan that waited for me.. Oh and that brings me to another story of tonight.. My friend Megan got a guy in there tonight that wanted his hair colored.. well the color card that we keep track of clients on said do not leave your color bowl or brush with him.. well that was an understatement.. so she starts coloring his hair, and he just keeps telling her to leave some extra dye for him??? she asked if he wanted her to touch up his mustache or beard.. not understanding.. finally she just came to the cosmo side and was talking to the instructor Rayma and said that this guy is freaking out and wants the extra color and so on.. well come to find out he likes to take the color bowl and extra color and go to the bathroom to color his eyebrows.. yeah right.. so Rayma the instructor went over there after he freaked out and made Megan cry (she is a tough girl) cause she rinsed out her color bowl and didn't give him any.. well Rayma went over there and asked him flat out what the deal is, and he said that he wanted to color his eyebrows, and also his "cookie" seriously??? what a perv.. needless to say Megan just stayed on the cosmo side and helped me with my crazy color.. and to think before lab she said that we should just sluff and not go.. on nights like this I wish I would have.. but I haven't missed a night of school this whole semester..

So yeah.. that is my crazy drama at school.. and trust me there is some drama.. I am in beauty school full of women with a few men.. I hear so much every night I am not sure where to put it all.. too much sometimes.. Well I better get going got to TRY to fall asleep for another day.. can't wait for this weekend.. to spend time with all the family.. yay! ;)