I wonder???

I wonder when it will come the time for him to feel remorse?
I wonder when the day will come that I will be happy and in love again?
I wonder if how one day you are on one course in your life? And the next you are on another?
I wonder if he even remembers today or what once was?
I wonder why we have what the other wanted?
I wonder why after all this time.. I am still hurting? Am I broken? Will it ever stop?
I wonder why none of this seems to affect him at all?
I wonder why I still cry? and he never did.
I wonder when it will feel like I have a heart to give again.. maybe there is nothing left.

I know that I am grateful for my life, and everything that I have endured this far. I just sometimes wonder why things have turned out the way that they have. Why I wanted the marriage and family.. and he wanted to be alone.. and look who got what??? I wonder when it will all make sense to me? I wonder why now?? am I having this meltdown or whatever you call it?

I know that I am thankful for the opportunities that I have now.. that I know wouldn't be possible if back then would be today.

I just have a hard time.. especially today of all days.. I just wonder why he even wanted to get married, it that is never what he wanted?? Or why he said that he loved me, when he never meant it??

I know this isn't the most positive post I have put on here.. but I just needed to get this out of my mind, or just out there.. so I can have some kindof release if that is possible.