Have you ever?

Have you ever just work up one day and wondered if this is it? this is your life? This is all that you have become.. through it all.. this is it? I know.. I am in such a weird thinking mood today.. like most days.. I usually keep it all in my head.. but I just need to get it all out.. ever had days like that? Did you ever think that you would be who you are, and where you are 10 years ago today? I know that I sure didn't.. yeah some things have made me stronger in the long run.. and some have just broke me down and closed me off from everyone.. Do you ever recover? I have realized this weekend that I will never be the same naive, and open person that I was years ago. I also realized this weekend that I have built up so many barriers, and that I am just soo closed off to the outside world.. I just live in a bubble so to say.. It's nice and protected.. a little too protected. I have been seriously thinking and wondering what I really want out of this life.. I have been alone for so long.. I am not even sure that I can let someone else in even if I wanted to.. I should also get an Oscar for my acting.. acting.. everyone does it.. Do we ever really know what the other person is thinking, feeling??? Why are we so afraid to show people who we really are? that we are broken, hurt, confused, lost, and feel beyond hope?? I am sure that most of the others around you feel the same way in one way or another.. They all look like they have it so together, and they are so happy.. but deep down inside are they? I wish that I was as happy as I used to be, that I was open to new things, and new people without any fear.. How would it be.. What would I do if I wasn't afraid anymore? What would alot of people do without their fears? Well now that I think I have even more questions spinning in my head than before.. I better get going.. Maybe someday I will not be so lost in my head, and I will be free.. to not be afraid anymore.. to not fear the pain of letting someone else in.. who knows??